The monotony of caregiving can be soul crushing.
Have you ever been so steaming mad you thought your head might explode? Like the cartoon where steam would come out of the characters ears…was it Porky Pig? That is the visual I get when everything else in my head goes black with rage. Why do I get so angry about something I know is going to happen again? It seems pointless as I contemplate my mini-breakdown yesterday.
I had a day.
- being nagged by HCP1* for non-payment of a very expensive box of diabetic supplies sent to my son before authorized by insurance and they want him to pay 550.00, the man-boy who has no job. I have been putting off writing the letter to them.
- getting yet another phone call from HCP2 about setting up a Mom visit (we moved out of state over 6 months ago, and I talked to the same lady last September. Is anybody home?)
- getting bitched at by my mom when I ask why she has to put on lipstick and check herself in a mirror before her phone call with her therapist (I probably should have kept my mouth shut on that one, but I did continue to tell her I am concerned about her obsession with lipstick – she cursed at me and I stopped talking as I finished her pills)
- HCP3 phone call to find out how much a specialist doctor visit will cost because I keep getting notices about “No Surprise Billing” from the Health Care Officials. The health care plan provider could not give me ANY pricing (the Health Advocate!) and I had to call HCP3 to spend 20 minutes begging for an evaluation cost BEFORE the appointment so I can budget for my own health care help.
After all this info processing (plus work demands), I was steaming. I also broke down and cried with HCP3 because my insurance is sooooooo crappy, I can’t address the pain in my shoulder which will affect my activities this summer. I am trying to be proactive with my health. I also forgot to ask them what the preventative mammogram is going to cost me.
I am exhausted, and today has only just begun. Nothing will change until it does. At least I found a sliding scale therapist to whom I can pour out my troubles.
Does anyone know who I can email in government to rally for the self-insured and barely-insured who nobody talks about? The fact that insurance itself is like the modern-day mafia with monthly demands, yet we can’t afford to use the service the premium pays for? I know I can’t be the only one.
Signing off.
*HCP = Health Care Provider
