How do you decide what means the most for your loved one when they can’t tell you?
Like the bursting of an aneurism, a health emergency or disabling event comes when you least expect it. My Mom somehow had the ability to call 911 before her seizure started. When I arrived hours later to pick up her purse and a few things for the hospital, I imagined the chaotic scene as I absorbed my surroundings. The front door was left wide open, she was in the middle of ironing & sewing something, and I find her cat huddled on her bed.
I still had no idea what was really happening to Mom – I lived an hour away from her at the time and took off in her direction after getting the initial phone call from her local hospital. As I am arriving after a heart-pounding drive, I heard back from the local hospital that they have sent Mom to our city where she can receive specialized care. All I know at this point is she was found seizing and had managed to call 911 to report the worst headache she had ever had in her life. Whatever it was, it was very serious.
I figured since I was almost there, I would stop by her house to get some things she would want in the hospital..her own pillow, her purse, bathrobe, and slippers. I made a round of the house, locking up, and making sure the cat had enough food. I was in and out in under 10 minutes – there was no time to waste.
She beat the odds and started recovering. I knew she needed to be close, and had gotten word her landlord was looking to sell the house where she had been living. Decisions had to be made more quickly than her recovery would allow.
This brings us to the heart of this story.
When you have to move your parent and pack up all of their belongings for long-term storage. All …by ….yourself. I did have some help moving of course, but hubby had a full-time job and was looking after kids so I could focus on all the details. Every weekend for about 6 weeks I went to her house and packed, and purged, and cried. I was so exhausted after the work/kids/school week I really don’t know how I did it. My heart was also breaking because I was having to say goodbye to my Mom’s little house overlooking the bay. Mom had tubes coming out of her head and was being kept in a medical coma so decisions had to be made, I did not have the luxury of time.
The long, long, long hospital stay.
Mom’s recovery was long. 3 1/2 months in the hospital, the first eight weeks in intensive care. At first the doctors did not want to give me much hope. Aneurysm patients have a very high risk of death – she had already beat the first odds of not dying before reaching the hospital. Her next battle was almost 4 weeks in a medical coma so her body could heal from all the brain procedures. All I could do was sit and hold her hand and pray for those first few weeks – which included Christmas. As she improved, the doctors started to be more positive. They didn’t know my Mom and all she had survived other traumatic health issues. She beat the odds and came to live with us for another 3 months.
The biggest purge came as we tried to fit her belongings into a very small 1 bedroom apt (down from a 2 bedroom house). So many knick-knacks – and I knew the story behind most of them. I didn’t want to be saddled with the decision but I had no choice if I wanted to be out of that very difficult season of getting my Mom healed enough to live on her own. I learned the true meaning of depression and being frozen with indecision – but I knew if I couldn’t move forward nothing would change. I got rid of so much, and then we kept a storage unit for way too many years. My mom liked to visit the storage unit and in the beginning, wasn’t willing to part with any of it.
Goodbye to stored stuff!
I don’t know if you can call it lucky, but because of her brain injury, my mom doesn’t remember things that are out of sight. Slowly the stuff became forgotten. I finally made one last purge. I still hold the most precious items in my garage because — well — I am not ready to part with them (and the memories) yet. I guess I am my mother’s daughter!
Mom still has an entire apartment full of things that makes her feel happy and at home. I finally feel (after 15 years) like I only need to purge my own belongings that are piling up, not hers.
Resource Highlights: Brain Aneurisym Foundation Sacramento Support Group
Greater Sacramento Brain Aneurysm and AVM Support Group
Have you had to make difficult decisions regarding a loved one’s care? Let us know in the comments!
