When you have state-run healthcare for your kids, in our experience, you get what I am going to call Transient Care. As in, people who work in the system are usually overworked and underpaid. Let’s face it: They are either very young, and it’s their first gig, a stepping stone to a better job. Or, they are older and are at the end of their work-life cycle.
Parents be warned! Expect to switch therapists and social workers regularly. This is the part that almost broke me. I look back and I don’t know how I got through it. I only know I was hyper-focused to help them in any way possible to aid them in helping our son.
There can be Good….
I was so thankful that we could get ANY insurance for our kids because we could barely afford our own through my husband’s job. By asking for an official diagnosis, it gave our son more services than he ever would have received otherwise through the school and health insurance. Because of a life-changing car accident and its repercussions on the state of our finances, my husband and I had to accept what was free. Keeping our kids fed with a roof over their heads was our first priority.
Side-note Benefit: When you cycle through therapists, you start to see how they vary in style and approach. The therapy relationships that really clicked helped him make progress. I can remember 3 specific therapists whose relationship made a huge difference for our son because they made a connection to him. We knew it was working because he was talking to them!
Prepare for the Bad
I realized waaay to late that with each new therapist that all the “re-telling of the “History of J’s Aspergers” was detrimental to our child. It was detrimental to me! Why did we constantly have to be moved around? These therapist and provider changes were a barrier to our son actually getting help. Even as he entered his teen years, I attended some sessions when the therapist needed to be filled in, and I even attended some sessions when he refused to go!
I was disappointed many time when at the first meeting the new therapist had not even reviewed his file. Because our son was young and often would not answer their direct questions, I sat in on most sessions. He didn’t like me talking about his issues like he wasn’t there (surprise!) — but there was no other way for me to communicate with them and progress was sooooo slow.
I began tirelessly looking for answers on my own. I think my breaking point for “Faith in Therapists” was when the elderly psychologist when he was around 10 — she just looked at me and shrugged her shoulders — as I looked pleadingly to her for help! She retired within a month, but I had already requested a new therapist the day after that happened. Therapists should be trained to NEVER do that.
Is It Worth The Cost?
Would our son have done better with fewer but more consistent therapy sessions – maybe, maybe not. When you don’t have a lot of choices, you take every opportunity that comes your way. Of course, we worked with him at home and I read, and read, and read — books for me and books for him about autism and coping with sibling conflicts and resentment. I think in the end the therapy was good for me. Since he played the silent game, there were some sessions the therapist would ask about broader issues at home and I could talk about them. I don’t recall how many therapist/psychologist changes we had, but I do know it is documented in my library of his medical paperwork.
After all is said and done, our son did grow up. He is in his 20’s, stable, and has become a caring, smart, sarcastic-with-a-good-sense-of-humor, and thoughtful person. He is older than his sister by three years, but emotionally he is finally catching up. We support him living at home, but he does have goals to move out one day. He is finally happy again with a day-education program we found through our local regional agency. They have not helped a whole lot over the years (and we get a new worker every year), BUT this program is the best thing that has ever happened for our son and we are so grateful he has this opportunity which will likely lead to paid work sooner than later. In this case especially, yes, it was worth the cost.
Therapists do not have all the answers, but they can provide valuable support and a compassionate connection when the relationship is working. I do not want to discourage parents to seek help — you need to keep an eye on that help so you can learn more about your child and observe if things are not working. You can’t expect your child to know.
#playwithyourkids #emotionalpiggybank #pokerchips #nowtheyaregrown #therapyhelps #familytherapy #therapytechniques #talkitout #therapyishard
Helpful Tips When Changing Medical Providers
- Keep copies of all the medical records yourself – request them from the provider you are leaving including “doctor notes”
- Don’t rely on anyone’s system making the transfer right or timely – make copies of everything!
- Save valuable “intake” time. Sit in on the first appointment and discuss the top priorities they will address
