It is a good thing to get your loved one’s help. It is the right thing to do. It is hard.
I need to remind myself to be better prepared mentally for these days.
After moving 1600 miles, the last few months have been “interrupted” by So Many Phone Calls. During business hours, of course. It is not just the time to make the call, it is the result of the call – which many times leads to another call, and yet another. This is mentally taxing when I also have business deadlines.
With her new insurance, my mom is entitled to one home visit a year from a nurse who will make sure she is alive, cared for, and has enough to eat. This is in addition to her regular doctor with who we have established care. This appointment was over an hour, and my mom seemed to enjoy talking with her.
As we took the deep dive into all sorts of questions – they wanted some lengthy history. I have learned that talking about all her trauma – multiple surgeries with long hospitalizations since I was young, not to mention the brain aneurysm almost 20 years ago – brings on a sort of PTSD. I can’t explain it. When I have to “start over” with my son or my mom with these intake appointments, it brings me so much anxiety I want to cry.
I think part of it is when they are asking all these questions about her functions, I don’t feel I can tell the whole truth. And then Mom will mix things up and exaggerate how much activity she does, or her capabilities. I think she really believes she can do all the things she used to do, but the truth is she lays in bed 70% of the day looking at her tablet or reading. We get her on short walks, but a lot of times she is exhausted after just 20 minutes. We are working on having her up more, but I work full time.
I am a caregiver, not a babysitter.
Can’t she come to me a day before she wants it? Everything for her is URGENT. She thinks of it, and I think she doesn’t want to forget, so she makes it an urgent issue. My entire day is fielding what is most important to get done for her, the household and my business. I don’t have the patience for non-urgent urgency.
Trying to establish new routines is especially difficult. I don’t know how she lived on her own except I was over there doing everything because nothing got done when I wasn’t there. That was a factor in moving that we heavily considered, but there was no question that we would be caring for her long term, and we knew there would be challenges we couldn’t expect.
I heard a politician say recently that we needed more caregivers to “help grandma put her sweater on”. What???!!!!???? I would like this politician to live one day of my caregiving life.
I am blessed to not have to physically help my mom (yet), but I need mental help! I can’t afford that with my insurance. The only “program” from the state that could help me would only be if she was recently hospitalized. I can’t even get my mom to get up early enough to be ready to go to the Senior Center before lunch without multiple prompts over 24 hours to get her going. A lot like raising an autistic teenager. I thought I was done with that. And then I feel guilt that I am not doing enough. (crying, exhausted emoji here)
