My mom made a new friend on facebook today.

My heart skipped a beat when she called and told me she might have made a mistake on facebook …. a friend of a friend contacted her and said she won a lot of money, and she wanted to collect.

She only told me AFTER she had sent him most of her personal information. I am glad she told me when she did…before she sent the money they were asking for… I tried not to lose my temper and yell – it isn’t her fault she keeps forgetting. Although, I think, is it more alarming that she keeps forgetting about scammers, or the impulse to have another dress, another pair of shoes, another jar of miracle face cream, or yet another vitamin/sleep aid hawked by the fly-by-night-businesses of the internet.

I actually kept the transcript to remind myself that she cannot control her impulses. When I read back how easily she was pulled in, it really scares me. The transcript below shows the flow of messages and her excitement at the news.

You sent January 10 at 1:28 PM

Hello Mr. Reeves, I sent you a message, but it went to Peter. Sorry for the confusion. My note just asked you what information you needed from me to get money. Please let me know. Thanks

You can now call each other and see information like Active Status and when you’ve read messages.

Benson sent January 10 at 1:32 PM

What’s your name, So that I can check if your name is among the Lucky winners list with me here.

Benson sent January 10 at 2:11 PM

What’s your name, So that I can check if your name is among the Lucky winners list with me here.

You sent January 10 at 2:23 PM

moms name To: Benson R.

Benson sent January 10 at 2:26 PM

Hold on let me check the list here if your name still on the winners list.

You sent January 10 at 4:08 PM

Benson Reeves – will you be my friend on Facebook please

Benson sent January 10 at 8:18 PM

Congratulation your name is still available on the winners list. Am very happy to congratulate you being a lucky winner…

You sent January 10 at 10:24 PM

Benson R. – thank you so much for letting me know I am on the winners list. I so much appreciate all your patience & help & accepting my friend request. It has been a great day. Please let me know what other information you need. Thanks

Benson sent January 10 at 10:25 PM

My Name Is AGENT BENSON REEVES. I work For CASH EXPLOSION AWARD PROMOTION IN COLLABORATION WITH CATALOG FINANCIAL DOMESTIC ASSISTANCE. We remember your screen name on our list here and your money is available for you to claim, let us know if you are ready to claim the money and we will explain to you how we got your screen name, so let me know if you are ready to claim the money…

You sent January 10 at 10:35 PM

Thanks for giving me the money & being my friend on Facebook.

Benson sent January 10 at 10:36 PM

CONGRATULATION!!! The entire Cash Explosion team are very happy to inform you that your name appear on the CASH EXPLOSION AWARD PROMOTION and we are giving out the total sum of (ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS) which is what you have just won. Your name was selected in a raffle that was made in (CASH EXPLOSION AWARD PROMOTION ) for the Year 2021 with the winning lucky number 32-65-11-02… So we need your fast response so that we can proceed with the process of your winnings…

You sent January 10 at 10:46 PM

Holy God, are you serious??? I did not know I was entered I this promotion but thank you so much. Yes I can certainly use the money, please proceed with processing the winnings. Let me know if you need further information. Thanks again.

…and the conversation continues with his polite request for her personal info…DOB, Birth State, Social, DL#, and more! She gave him about half the info before she realized her mistake and called me. She made it sound pretty casual, but I knew immediately she had been duped.

…she thought she had truly won a large monetary prize….

…every bit of her focus was on that money. I have tried to understand it. Growing up she did not have credit cards, and always encouraged me to save and not overspend. Post aneurysm, she buys stuff, forgets she has it, and then buys more. When I clean out the closet, she fills it up again. How can I begin to explain the complete mental drain once I did what I could do to fix the situation? Thank goodness I put that freeze on her credit years ago – which is another story altogether.

Thanks for listening. Have you experienced this frustration with a family member who can’t control their impulses? How can we ever stop this from happening?

If you are feeling alone in your caregiving journey, reach out or write it down. It will help.