They are everyday nuisances..the phone calls to try and get through the maze we call the health care system and government entities. Today it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Just a drop in the bucket of life really. The call had to be made to the pharmacy because the refill wasn’t filled last week due to a process breakdown at CVS. When I call to make sure it is ready, they tell me it won’t be filled for another week. When I question why this wasn’t ready last week, they say it is not due yet. I remind them of the prescription details and ask them to re-read them. Then they tell me meds are out of stock and can’t be filled by tomorrow.
Pretty standard crap because this RX breakdown happens on a regular basis. Could it be this is just a SPECIAL problem for only me because I pick up and manage medications for my autistic son with Type 1 Diabetes, my brain-damaged mom, and, my daughter who is newly diagnosed with a mood disorder….and these meds are for her. TODAY she is out of medicine.
I cry for 15 minutes. I don’t know what else to do. My mind just sees black. I am crippled – by one stupid phone call and I am a major mess. My daughter feels like killing herself and everything I do is not right in her eyes. Conversations turn on a dime, and if I withhold speaking out of fear I will say the wrong thing, it makes matters worse. How will she go back to school like this? She told me that “other” person she was is now dead.
Oh, CVS called back. They have the meds in stock after all. “Ready to pick up, sorry for the trouble.” Now I have to pull myself together and get down there and come home and try to focus on work – but my daughter needs attention. My daughter’s therapist office calls – can you come in tomorrow – yes! (and yet another work meeting pushed aside). She hasn’t had a professional to talk to since she left the hospital before Christmas, and Dad and I aren’t doing a good job in her eyes. I don’t know what she needs and I can’t keep up, my brain feels paralyzed. God, please help me help my daughter.
Have you ever been paralyzed to the point of in-action? I am sure it is part of the fight or flight hormones that rage in me when the burden just becomes too much. It is so important to find someone to talk to — where you can safely vent and sort out the many feelings overwhelming your brain. Take a minute. Take five. Take what you need so you can care for the ones that need you.
